2Ø16 Letter To Myself

Saturday, December 31, 2016

10:17 PM // SLC Apt

It was around $100K, 3 years ago! Our Healthcare System #Should be a lot better. But at least, I have access to it. #LookForThePositive.

For me 2016 sucked a fucking lot if you want to #DwellOnTheNegative. You know I lost a best friend at the beginning of it, almost towards the end of #TwentyFifteen. There was #Hope during #Christmas as their always is, but it was just all different because of the event that transpired and the ones that I just found out about. I then had #KidneyFailure, again. It was devastating. You know I like to believe we live in a time where things would be accelerated medically, but its not. You do get the impression that its a #KeepThemSickSituation. I believe it to be more true than not, plus it is #PushedUponMe more to do the things the way the doctors see fit, not as I see fit as a patient. One of the biggest reasons it had changed my mind was that it is incredibly hard to obtain a #KidneyTransplant #LotsOfRedTape #GovernmentInvolvementEvenMoreNow, it has increased financially #ThreeHundredFuckingPercent just for the transplant!!!




This blew my fucking mind, it started to make sense why all of my awesome doctors were from different countries. I never wanted to say it was this, but I would have done the same thing. They were here because, in America you make the most money off of health care, being a private company within a even greater company. It seriously is #RidiculouslySad that ultimately money rules everything.

I also had many #ScarySurgeries this year, the highest percentage of death aka #MortalityRate that had ever been uttered to my ears and seen with my #BabyAdolescentResurrectingBrownEyes. I had to regain faith in something again. As it was already sort of dying out. You always question Life and God, Existence #AlotThisTimeAround and just #FuckingEvvvverrryyyttthing. I did that even more this year in every aspect, and these ingrained beliefs I had … #Changed #BigTime. My body experienced a very heavy sorrow mentally and emotionally. It was one fucking horrible rollercoaster.

Not all of the “so-called hype” of what some would call #Conspiracies. I call it #Understanding the many aspects of my life that I either enjoyed, or had fully devoted myself too. The #Understanding that what I previously understood about my belief in #God #Healthcare #Humanity, and #OurSociety was mostly all a #Lie in many different degrees and angles. And that was the most fucking #Depressing thing. To suddenly comprehend a new outlook on #AllOf Life in a blink of an eye. So what always comes into play when I am depressed? Some medical marijuana and some awesome #NewishMusic.

As a lyricist I always try and find a #Lyric that really #Defines2016 for me as a whole. #iHaveOnesForRelationshipsLoveBreakupsRealityChecks or just #LovingTheSoundOfItOrText #NeckDeep won that contest this year. I really just started listening to their album a few months ago. It is now #DecemberThirtyFirstTwentySixteenNineFiftyFivePMMST

If you really think about these lyrics they can mean many different things, based on anything that may have happened in #Your2016, if you decided to #DwellOnTheNegative rather than #SeeThePositive, but it is always based on #HowYouSeeIt. Everyone wants a #Voice, its just ... a very frugal or fragile device in this #SocialMediaRealm. And that is what is scary about writing this book. I don't know what shit I will get for it, or what it may or may not spark. I hope it sparks a #FuckingPhenomenalLight in each and everyone of you, to know that YOU can do it as well, because ...

The World's a Fucked Up Place
But It Depends On How YOU See It
Life Is Full Of Change
You Throw Up And Then You Feel It
Jump Ship And Head For Failure
Find Yourself A Tragedy
Slowly Lose Your Sanity

So, let's keep making positive changes in your own life and others. I have been very, very blessed this year, an outpouring of love and support from friends, family, and strangers. How I can I find a #Tragedy in that. #iAmTheBestSailorOfMyNeverEndingSea #iMeaniHaveTheMouthForIt #VomitFreeSince93 #WishiWasntAtTimesThough #DryHeavingsABitch